I don’t know what you’ve been told / But on dog golf we’ve been sold.
I don’t know what’s been said / But at Army Golf dogs love to tread.

Welcome – We didn’t see any of the dogs on the course, but none of the fellow golfers out that day seemed nonplussed by Grace’s presence. One of the biggest fears many have about dogs on the course is dreaded distraction (especially from an ill-timed bark). But Army is one of the noisiest courses we have played so I don’t think many people these are as concerned with noise. The 15^th hole sits right next to the Farnborough Airport (see photo below) with a private jet surreally close giving it a bit of a crazy golf vibe. But in addition to regular jets flying past, there were a battery of helicopters hovering around and even a few drill sergeants barking their own commands nearby.

Walk – A very level battlefield which make the fairly long course (6550 yards) a manageable stroll.

Water – Halfway house at the 9^th actually operating (we bought a Bakewell cake a cuppa while Grace enjoyed some water from the dog bowl left out). And the 16^th finishes right by the clubhouse if you can’t quite squeeze in 18 holes with the dwindling daylight on a twilight round (those that offer is temporarily suspended at the moment). A water gully winds its way through the course flanking or crossing all but 4 holes. It was running and Grace was keen to get in it every time we arrived at it.

Wildlife – The usual commonplace woodland critters – squirrels, rabbits, crows, pigeons – plus a most unexpected memorial to another four-legged friend – equine veterans of the Boer War.

Wind Down – We ventured down the road to the nearby The Swan (found in Doggie Pubs). The evening was pleasant, but less so the outdoor seating which was all paved and nothing but less comfortable picnic tables. So we opted to sit at one of the many tables near the bar. One positive to the coronavirus precautions are that the tables in pubs are now set further apart from each other which provides more floor space for us to set Grace’s bed. The Swan included free dog biscuits in a jar on the bar and the server happily provided a bowl of fresh water for Grace. The food focuses on fancy burgers and recently added some Greek dishes as a special (I tried the pork which was different and tasty but not particularly distinctive, just pork belly and potatoes nicely spiced and cooked together in parchment). The highlight was the onion rings that had good sized onion and not too bready batter.

Welcome – Today’s dog golfing venture we had planned for a long time since it is in the neighbourhood where our son lives – Dulwich and Sydenham. All of the members we happened upon greeted us warmly (in a socially distant manner) and one in particular noted that he was always pleased to see dogs out with their owners on the course. But there is nothing more welcoming than a fellow golfing dog and we happened upon a most charming one named Alfie (see photo below) who was ever so sweet to Grace and thoroughly enjoy his day out with his human.

Walk – I never thought of southeast London as the mountainous region of the metropolis, but I guess nearby areas such as Tulse Hill, Herne Hill, Streatham Hill, Dog Kennel Hill (!), Brixton Hill, Pollards Hill and Forest Hill should have provided a clue. Several holes did require some quite orthogonal traverses.

Wildlife – This course has more Canadian Geese than a Mountie’s Molson beer fest at a moose ranch (see photo below). Geese are to D&S what ponies are to the New Forest. At times it seemed that either we were being stalked by a flock of them, or else each hole had its own resident flock.

Water – In wetter times, the many water hazards – a ratio pretty of much a little pond or stream for every hole – might have provided some handy on course refreshment for Grace, but in the late summer when we played last week, they were all dried out. There is a halfway hut at the 8^th hole and though the café is not operating, the toilets are available and have running water. Also, the 7 and 15 pass by the clubhouse if you wanted to make a quick detour in a pinch, but may be difficult in all but the most empty days. The course also has water fountains at the 3^rd and 15^th, but those are turned off due to COVID protocols.

Wind Down – We chose our wind down spot a little bit further than we had to (in the city there are plenty of pubs all around) albeit just over a mile away by foot – The Archie Parker. Full disclosure, The Archie Parker is a café where our son (one of Grace’s favourite humans), Chase, works and he has been a key part of setting it up and building it with his partner, Zoe. It turns out that “Archie Parker” is himself a dog (Zoe’s). Now since passed away, but the dog-friendly ethos remains. While it commands top reviews for the area, we were especially drawn to visit by the warm weather since they opened Forest Hill’s only café garden out back where we joined Chase, Zoe and our daughter (and her dog Joey) for lovely drinks (next door is their sister venue the Forest Hill Gin Club so G&Ts were the tipple of choice).

Welcome – Our recent camping “stayUKation” gave us not only the opportunity to notch another dog-friendly course, but also a new county to our list of dog golfing experiences – Dorset. Wessex golf centre was minutes down the road from our camp site overlooking Chesil Beach in Weymouth.

Walk – Under 3,000 yards and all of them flat make this executive course a particularly light dog walk.

Water – With the course being so small, you are really never that far from the clubhouse you could scurry back to if in desperate need of a drink. The 5^th hole does sit on the far end of the course and features a small pond which had some fresh water from a recent downpour to give Grace some mid-round refreshment.

Wildlife – A seagull or two passing by.

Wind Down – Instead of Doggie Pubs, we just asked the Wessex GC attendant for a pub recommendation and he proposed Marquis Of Granby just down the street. It appeared to be set in an industrial estate that you pass through, but it turns out to be just on the outside. The “pub” has more of a working man’s club feel, but the expanse of tables made it easier to accommodate many people in a social distant way. It did have some outdoor seating at the front and back, but we opted to stay in with the changeable weather. We only had a drink, but the menu was extensive. And one thing that did stand out was the speedy service. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten served my drink so quickly (and at a table no less) which was most welcome.

Welcome – Admittedly, we were rolling the dice to play this day. The forecasts had called for “thundershowers” all week, but on the day of, it said showers in the morning and mostly sunny all day. We booked a late afternoon round. Curiously and considerately, the course called us shortly after to say that their forecasts had called for showers later in the day and so they wanted to confirm that we wanted to play and if we did they would provide a discount to our round. I thought that was all very kind and welcome, but the clouds were parting and we thought we were going to be on the winning side of this bet. On the second hole, we did get a passing “little black rain cloud” that sprinkled on us (you know, a rain cloud directly above and blue sky every where else). But other than that, the day just got better. When we stopped for some refreshment at the 9^th hole, the skies above were 100% clear. We were musing about how we might do some stargazing that evening, but

Water – In the end, maybe a bit too much water this round. As we proceeded on the back nine, the skies did get cloudier and cloudier until the heavens opened completely on the 17^th. With a fair hike to the car park, we were completely soaked by the time we arrived. At least we earned our discount.

Not just water falling from the clouds, but also considerable amounts from water fountains. The path to the 1^st tee featured a drinking fountain (obviously disabled for COVID19 protocol) and more than one of the several water features included a spouting fountain in the center.

Ponds at the 5^th, 8^th, 17^th and 18^th all brimming from recent showers made for very accessible drinks and dips for Grace. Unfortunately, I had my own Jean van de Velde Carnoustie moment on the 5^th when I insisted on using a pitching wedge to get over the pond with a lie on a downward slope when I should have (and eventually did) used a loft wedge.

Walk – Aside from the top and tail (1^st and 2^nd, and then the 17^th and 18^th) of a big drop hole followed by a big climb hole), the course was a pretty level. We often ask when we check in whether the course returns to the clubhouse at the 9^th which allows us to restock on water (or use the facilities to dispose of some water ingested). Some courses set off and never return until the final hole, but Brickendon circles back at the 6^th, 9^th, 12^th and of course the 18^th. Not only does this layout make facilities accessible, but it also make the course one of the most scalable that we have come across. That is to say that if you don’t feel up to a full 18, you can play 6, 9, 12 or even 14 holes (as it is easy to clip the 15^th and 16^th by going from the 14^th green to the 17^th tee).

Wildlife – Squirrel! Saw quite a few scampering squirrels including one who boldly crept up to the terrace where we were enjoying a mid-round drink. Obviously, conditioned that dining patrons might drop or share some of their nibbles, but instead of crumbs from the table, Mr. Furry Rodent discovered Grace sitting there staking her claim to anything falling from the table. After a moment’s surprised hesitation, the squirrel decide to volte face to more inviting areas.

Wind Down – Apres la deluge…Just down the road from Essendon I had found Bakers Arms at the top of the Doggie Pubs in the area, but its website’s booking didn’t work properly so I skipped it and moved on to the next one (customer service rookie error). Back in the neighbourhood and the establishment even closer to Brickendon Grange, I decided to pick up the telephone and call for a booking which worked fine. Their service was impeccable as they brought towels out for us to remove water and brought out a drinking bowl for Grace for her to fill up on water. The food was tasty and the warm, homey atmosphere lifted our drenched spirits.

Welcome – While we didn’t come across any canine caddies on the Essendon course, plenty of dogs at the clubhouse terrace made Grace feel right at home.

Walk – The clubhouse wasn’t the only inviting feature to this distinctive club. One of the overall flattest courses that we have played for ages made the walk, especially on the hottest day of the year hitting 37 degrees, more leisurely. Unlike every other round we’ve played since lockdown was relaxed, the New Course we played was not very crowded at all making it easier to take out time (with 2 championship courses and a pitch-and-putt, the club would seem to have loads of capacity for everyone). Even the playing of golf itself was made easier by the fairway layouts. They bulged precipitously in the middle making them extremely forgiving to slices and hooks. The copious water hazards generally flanked the holes or hugged the tees making them less intimidating.

Water – More “water, water everywhere”, but not so much to drink. Nearly as many water features, 14, as holes on the course. Some were dry because of the mid-August season. Those that weren’t were quite inaccessible for a drink because they we constructed with vinyl liners at a steep rake making them dangerous to access (the course has signs on all of them warning of deep water and prohibiting golfers from entering to retrieve balls. Fortunately, given the heat pounding down, the course swings back to the clubhouse on the 9^th hole where we tanked up on lager and G&T as well as refilling our water bottles.

Wildlife – The land o’ lakes certainly attracted its share of conventional water fowl, but Essendon featured a quite broad menagerie along its lacustrine links. We came upon a family of rabbits munching happily next to the 7^th green. But most uncommonly were two different muntjacs who nonchalantly ambled in front of us during our round. One on the 1^st and one on the 18^th hole (see picture at bottom). I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised since their 9 hole course is named the “Muntjac Pitch & Putt”.

Wind Down – We had a bit of déjà vu from our Bramley hole 19 stop when we looked at the Cowper Arms menu which was identical to the one we had recently ordered from at The Seahorse. It turns out that they are both part of the Premium Country Pubs restaurant group. Typically, I am skeptical of food in chain pubs, but it looks like this one is aiming for a cut above Harvester and Wetherspoons. We had (another) tasty collection of starters (including the Sticky Chipotle Chicken which Lori quite fancies). And we got our “Eat Out to Help Out” discount (20% up to £20 on food ordered on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays). We settled into their spacious and comfy beer garden as the evening air started to cool just enough to be comfortable.

Welcome –Our welcome started with our “wind up” at the club house. Arriving considerably early for our appointed tee time in the toasty weather we decided to start our round with a refreshing drink at Bramley GC terrace with a lovely view of several fairways below. Several members took fond interest in Grace that she would have appreciated more had she not been so impatient to get walking.

Walk – I never quite appreciated that Surrey was particularly mountainous until our Bramley round. The entire course seems carved into the side of a cliff. A multidimensional maze that makes you feel like you were in the heart of St. Clements with all of the call-up bells being rung all around (by hitting with irons, of course, due to COVID19 protocol). But finding hole was nothing compared to finding some of the tees themselves. Yellow and reds were often far apart from each other (and not in line with the hole). On the 4^th hole, the yellow tee is about 100 yards to the right of the red tees and a few dozen metres below them in elevation. Lots of comment between Lori and I saying, “There’s my tee, so where’s yours?”

Water – The course has water fountains at 6^th and 9^th hole (as well as a toilet at the 9^th), but the fountains were all decommissioned due to COVID19 protocols. In the middle of the course – holes 7 through 13 – it seems like nothing but water hazards. I was relieved that most were flanking rather than impeding, and Grace was relieved for their easy access to cool her paws on the hot day and grab a drink.

Wildlife – The profusion of water features attracted the usual collection of water fowl (Canadian Geese, Egyptian Geese, Mallards) including 2 “Swans” set in the middle of the pond by the 16^th and 18^th that were Mannequin Challenge world champions.

Wind Down – Down the road was the lovely doggie pub, The Seahorse. A spacious garden which was perfect for the sultry summer’s eve. Unprompted, the host brought Grace a bowl of water which she welcomed as heartily a Lori and I did our distinctive cocktails (Pineapple Daiquiri for me and a Blood-Red Orange and Grapefruit Gintonica for Lori). With the crepuscular calefaction and the gimlet gratification felt just a touch transported to a tropical resort. All of the fare is a cut above typical pub grub (though maybe just short of gastro-pub quality), but it was all just bonus to the delicious drinks were savoring into the evening.

Welcome – Another very four-legged-friendly course with equally friendly two-legged members at Banstead Downs. This day, the crowded course brought member Paul, out on a singleton round, into making our two ball into a friendly three ball. And we came upon one of the most generous 4-balls ever who let about a half-dozen groups behind them through. The parkland course was packed with the dog walkers so Grace was not out of place at all.

Walk – The scruffy parkland fairways billow out expansively endlessly dimpled with mounds and depressions. You think you have hit squarely into the fairway, but as you march out to your second shot you get a little worried as you can’t see your ball anywhere. Eventually you stumble upon it settled in one of the many bowls across the course.

Water – Hole 7 did have a water fountain, but it was all wrapped up due to COVID19 precautions. No significant water features and the course doesn’t make its way back to the clubhouse until the 15^th hole., so fill your canteens to the brim before you head out on a toasty day.

Wildlife – The wildlife including a rogue’s gallery of usual suspects – squirrels, pigeons, crows, etc.

Wind Down – Often we bemoan the lack of good signposting on courses pointing to the next tees (especially as we are typically golfing new courses), but this day we were absolutely flummoxed by some of the worst signposting we have ever come across for a pub – The Harrow (aka “The Harrow Cheam”). If you type in “The Harrow” into Google Maps, you get something which is listed at “Sutton, High Street”. The map shows a “Cheam” and it shows a “Sutton” down the road. Eventually, we just went into The Harrow in Sutton, Cheam or wherever it was and they told us we had come to the right place. Unfortunately, DoggiePubs.org let us down here saying in its summary “Dogs are very welcome in all but one area which is fine.” Actually, it is the opposite…”Dogs are very welcome in none but one area (the garden).” And while the pub is open for food until at 9:00 pm table seating staying open until 11:00 pm, the garden (the only place dogs are allowed) closes at 9:00 (ie. done with your food and out). Despite all the mixed up information, we did have just enough time to squeeze in a drink and some light bites. The food was a cut above standard bar-chain fare while not quite being gastro-pub standard. The best part was that the garden had these individual private hut enclosures which were both heated and had their own individual televisions (so we were able to watch part of the Fulham-Brentford game).

Welcome – Our visit up country to The Millbrook started most auspiciously being greeted by golfing dog Louie (in photo below with his human). And at the end of the round, when we were the last few people coming off the course we saw the most bizarre and fun thing with someone (must have been a staffer) “walking” their quite spirited Weimaraner by following him in a golf cart as he tore down the walking path. Pure doggie joy.

As is the norm during these days of post-lockdown golfing fever, parties got a bit compressed and we ended up bumping up with another two-ball including club member Jason who was wonderfully engaging and so we ended up joining with them for the back nine.

Walk – Most hilly courses have one uphill hole followed by one downhill hole. But in the UK’s own version of Canyonlands National Park, this one crams the whole up and down thing into single holes. The Millbrook hits you with its vertical eccentricity right out of the gate with a 1^st hole that you wouldn’t believe you were playing properly if the pro shop didn’t set you off saying “now let me tell you about the first hole…” The “fairway” is just a gaping chasm of heathland. The climbs out of these pits of despair are so deep that they have switchbacks. The Grand Canyon “Rim to Rim” race is arguably the most challenging ultra-endurance race in the world (9 miles down and 9 miles up), and these holes are like mini Rim-to-Rim challenges. Then the course designer thought “I wonder if I can make dog-legs at as steep an angle as these fairways?” The course may be dog-friendly, but the dog-legs on the 1^st and 13^th were decidedly golfer-unfriendly with their virtual acute angles.

The bunkers would seem a trivial concern when your entire fairway is one expanse of sunken earth, but they didn’t scrimp on sadism with the sand traps. Someone at the club must have found one of those tunnel-boring machines and contrived a way to dig holes straight down. Figuring out that it would take too long to dig all the way to China, they stopped halfway, tossed in a load of sand and said “good luck” folks (see photo at top).

And just to add to the quirkiness of the course, 3 of the greens are shared between front nine and back nine holes. These shared greens are huge, but still a strange sight to see four folks on the putting green at one time.

Water – The course features a sizeable aqueous hazard that requires traversing on both the 6^th and 7^th hole. As inaccessible as it seemed to make the greens, the water was easily accessed for a hot day’s drink by Grace.

Wildlife – The small lake in the middle is home to a range of water fowl, but the best bird mega-ticked in the course was my first ever Eagle. And I found it on a particularly challenging example of The Millbrook’s signature topography – hole 9 – where you have to drive across the Valley of Doom onto a North Slope of Despair. But it landed about 30 feet from the green and I followed with one of those eye rubbing shots – a 40 foot chip shot that dribbled into the cup (see photo at bottom).

Wind-Down – Facing the double challenge of finding a pub in the Milton Keynes area and finding a pub open into the evening on a Sunday, we simply opted for our refreshment at the clubhouse bar. They serve a range of food (which we weren’t hungry enough for) as well as drinks you can eat and drink at one of two outdoor areas (which do include a water bowl for the pups).

Welcome – Epping wasn’t just completely welcoming to Grace, but they all the players we came across were exceptionally amiable. As typical during the post-COVID golf craze, the course was packed, but everyone was in good spirits and generously coordinating play.

Water – More water wonderland with 7 water hazards. Only the 3^rd hole was the hazard directly between the tee and the green. And even then it was a modest 100 yard distance to cross. All of the others were unobtrusively lurking off the side tempting the stray shot. All water holes were very accessible for Grace and she enjoyed wading into each for a quick lap.

Walk – Rockin’ and rollin’. The course winds up and down (considerably) and side to side overlapping on itself. The ups take you to some striking vistas (though the nearby M25 is not the best of them). This was one of the most visually interesting courses we’ve played in a long time. The 12^th hole is a short par 3, but with a phalanx of topiary shrubs filling the approach making one of the most whimsical obstacles I seen on a course like playing on a Tim Burton film set.

Wildlife – Despite all the water features, we didn’t see any water fowl (most of the water pools were fairly small). Just a few urban fowl – pigeons, crows – fluttering past.

Wind Down – We tried to hit the Forest Gate Inn just down the road but arrived 5 minutes past their 7:30 pm closing time on Sundays. It looked like a good and convenient watering hole with plenty of outdoor seating.